अन्गुअगे means language in Sanskrit. Now, I don’t want to talk to you about Sanskrit today but i do feel the urge to share with you my experience with another language.
It’s called Non Violent Communication, it’s a language of the heart and it’s all about making a connection.
Are you still interested? If so, great! Please allow yourself to get into a comfortable position, get a cup of tea and really read this blogpost.
Where it all went wrong…
It was a sizzling hot day in July and i was attending a workshop in NVC. Being introduced to this method a few years before I considered myself to be an advanced adept. That is where it all went wrong that day.
We were asked to do an exercise in empathic listening. I formed a pair with Marlies and I was confident and ready for the exercise for I was mister empathico himself. Marlies asked if she could share something personal, “sure thing!” I said. And then it came…
She told me she had seen my son crying the day before (my son was 13 months old at the time) and we have let him cry way too long! She would never do such a thing to her children. She had books for me to read with scientific evidence: Letting babies cry activates the pain centers in the brain of the infant.
By now I wasn’t very empathic anymore. I heard the woman say that I am a bad parent, torturing my child and that she thought she was better than me and I wanted her to feel the pain and anger that I was feeling. I was ready to become physically violent. And I did… Nothing!
Yoram came to the rescue
I could not talk nor move, I felt angry, frustrated and extremely incapable of finding ways to express myself without physical or verbal violence. Luckily there was the workshop leader, Yoram Mosenzon who is truly advanced in this method of NVC. I asked him to help me out and he jumped to the rescue..
How he did it, he did it… . Within 10 minutes I was able to connect with Marlies! I was able to give her a hug not because I had to but because i actually felt like it. I could finally connect with her.
The judgment I had about myself: “I am advanced at this method and I am better than you?!?.. Made that I did not connect with her. It made that I could not hear the need behind her words. It made that I heard her calling me a bad parent.
The need to share
This method of NVC is something I wish to share because I feel the need to share my experiences. Especially the experiences that I find beneficial and that could help others to improve their quality of life. It connects me to my deeper need of trying to make this world a better place.